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The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own!

Author: Jean Teasdale

Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

Published: 2010-10-12

Total Pages: 272

ISBN-13: 1429951826

A few words from the author and eponymous columnist behind The Onion's column, "A Room of Jean's Own," Jean Teasdale: Hi Jeanketeers and Jeanketeers-to-be!! As The Onion's very own Humor and Human-Interest columnist, I've been entertaining readers for 15 years with kooky tales of life with my hubby and our two feline children. Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!) A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to! Among the many nuggets of fun: * I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name! * I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting! * Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own! * Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs! * You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party! * Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree! * Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!) * Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!) I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

The Onion Presents Homeland Insecurity

Author: Scott Dikkers

Publisher: Random House Digital, Inc.

Published: 2006

Total Pages: 322

ISBN-13: 030733984X

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Hot off the reprint presses! Onion fans hear this! Homeland Insecurity is the largest collection of award-winning journalism from America's Finest News Source ever released, and that means you must buy it! Featuring every brilliantly biting article printed in The Onion between November 2004 and December 2005, a time in our country's history ripe for further examination by America's Finest News Source, Homeland Insecurity collects all the news reporting you were too lazy to read when it first appeared, now delivered in a handy single volume that will fit perfectly on the bookshelf of your dorm, ward, or cell. Homeland Insecurity is Volume 17 in the always bestselling and always entertaining Onion series. The Onion is the world's most popular humor publication, with more than 3.8 million weekly visitors to its website (theonion.com) and a print circulation of more than 500,000. More than a million copies of its various books have been sold to date, beginning with Our Dumb Century, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller and winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor.

The Onion Girl

Author: Charles de Lint

Publisher: Macmillan

Published: 2002-08-03

Total Pages: 512

ISBN-13: 9780765303813

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Charles de Lint's stunning new novel of magic and danger in the modern world.

The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion

Publisher: Little, Brown

Published: 2012-10-23

Total Pages: 259

ISBN-13: 031613323X

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Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information -- such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

Midnight Sun

Author: Stephenie Meyer

Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

Published: 2020-08-04

Total Pages: 727

ISBN-13: 0316592250

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#1 bestselling author Stephenie Meyer makes a triumphant return to the world of Twilight with this highly anticipated companion: the iconic love story of Bella and Edward told from the vampire's point of view. When Edward Cullen and Bella Swan met in Twilight, an iconic love story was born. But until now, fans have heard only Bella's side of the story. At last, readers can experience Edward's version in the long-awaited companion novel, Midnight Sun. This unforgettable tale as told through Edward's eyes takes on a new and decidedly dark twist. Meeting Bella is both the most unnerving and intriguing event he has experienced in all his years as a vampire. As we learn more fascinating details about Edward's past and the complexity of his inner thoughts, we understand why this is the defining struggle of his life. How can he justify following his heart if it means leading Bella into danger? In Midnight Sun, Stephenie Meyer transports us back to a world that has captivated millions of readers and brings us an epic novel about the profound pleasures and devastating consequences of immortal love. An instant #1 New York Times BestsellerAn instant #1 USA Today BestsellerAn instant #1 Wall Street Journal BestsellerAn instant #1 IndieBound BestsellerApple Audiobook August Must-Listens Pick "People do not want to just read Meyer's books; they want to climb inside them and live there." -- Time "A literary phenomenon." -- New York Times

Before I Die

Author: Jenny Downham

Publisher: David Fickling Books

Published: 2008-09-25

Total Pages: 338

ISBN-13: 0375849378

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For the many readers who love The Fault in Our Stars, this is the story of a girl who is determined to live, love, and to write her own ending before her time is finally up. Tessa has just months to live. Fighting back against hospital visits, endless tests, and drugs with excruciating side effects, Tessa compiles a list. It’s her To Do Before I Die list. And number one is Sex. Released from the constraints of “normal” life, Tessa tastes new experiences to make her feel alive while her failing body struggles to keep up. Tessa’s feelings, her relationships with her father and brother, her estranged mother, her best friend, and her new boyfriend, are all painfully crystallized in the precious weeks before Tessa’s time runs out. A Publishers Weekly Best Children’s Book of the Year A Booklist Editors’ Choice A Book Sense Children’s Pick A Kirkus Reviews Editors’ Choice A Publishers Weekly Flying Start Author An ALA-YALSA Top Ten Best Book for Young Adults The newly released feature film Now Is Good, starring Dakota Fanning, is based on Jenny Downham's intensely moving novel.

Sideways Stories From Wayside School

Author: Louis Sachar

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Published: 2021-08-05

Total Pages: 177

ISBN-13: 1526622068

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There has been a terrible mistake. Instead of having thirty classrooms side by side, Wayside School is thirty storeys high! (The builder said he was sorry.) Perhaps that's why all sorts of strange and unusual things keep happening – especially in Mrs Jewls's classroom on the very top floor. There's the terrifying Mrs Gorf, who gets an unusually fruity comeuppance; Terrible Todd, who always gets sent home early; and Mauricia, who has a strange ice-cream addiction. Meanwhile, John can only read upside down, and Leslie is determined to sell her own toes. From top to bottom, Wayside is packed with quirky and hilarious characters who are all brought to life in this new edition with delightful illustrations by Aleksei Bitskoff throughout. This is an unmissable, irrepressible story of mixed-up mayhem from Louis Sachar, the bestselling author of Holes.

Moonlight & Vines

Author: Charles de Lint

Publisher: Macmillan

Published: 2007-04-01

Total Pages: 385

ISBN-13: 1429911255

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Familiar to Charles de Lint's ever-growing audience as the setting of the novels Memory & Dream, Trader, and Someplace To Be Flying, Newford is the quintessential North American city, tough and streetwise on the surface and rich with hidden magic for those who can see. Now de Lint returns to this extraordinary city for a third volume of short stories set there, including several never before published in book form. Here is enchantment under a streetlamp: the landscape of urban North America as only Charles de Lint can show it. "Blending Lovecraft's imagery, Dunsany's poetry, Carroll's surrealism, and Alice Hoffman's small-town strangeness," wrote Interzone on Dreams Underfoot, de Lint's Newford tales are "a haunting mixture of human warmth and cold inevitability, of lessons learned and prices to be paid." At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Second Language Learning and Language Teaching

Author: Vivian Cook

Publisher: Routledge

Published: 2016-05-05

Total Pages: 393

ISBN-13: 1134683294

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Second Language Learning and Language Teaching provides an introduction to the application of second language acquisition research to language teaching. Assuming no previous background in second language acquisition or language teaching methods, this text starts by introducing readers to the basic issues of second language acquisition research. It then examines how people learn particular aspects of the second language, such as grammar, vocabulary, pronunciation and the writing system, and at the strategies they adopt in their learning and the differences between individuals. Final chapters look at second language learning in a broader context – the goals of language teaching and how teaching methods relate to SLA research. This newly updated fifth edition builds on the comprehensive scope of earlier editions while also addressing more recent developments in the field, particularly multilingual approaches to language teaching.

Interpreter of Maladies

Author: Jhumpa Lahiri

Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Published: 1999

Total Pages: 195

ISBN-13: 039592720X

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In nine stories imbued with the sensual details of Indian culture, Lahiri charts the emotional journeys of characters seeking love beyond the barriers of nations and generations.