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Merde!

Author: Genevieve

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2015-02-16

Total Pages: 112

ISBN-13: 1501112589

Learn all the French slang, dirty words, and necessary tools of communication your teachers left out of their lesson plans with this essential survival guide to understanding everyday French. Deliciously saucy and full of wit Merde! is a practical guide for understanding French, as it really is spoken. This real-life resource is for anyone who remembers thumbing through English/French dictionaries for such words as "toilet paper" and "damn," as well as for the far more interesting, titillating terms that would never be used in polite conversation. But real French isn't spoken with the intent of being polite… With epithets for every occasion, a range of colorful idioms, and a wealth of come-ons and put-downs, this is the only language book you'll need to prepare for a trip to the city of lights.

In the Merde for Love

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing USA

Published: 2008-12-10

Total Pages: 418

ISBN-13: 159691744X

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The latest episode in Stephen Clarke's almost-true account of his adventures as an expat in France is just as winning as the first. This "anti-Mayle" will have readers chortling over their croissants and café au lait while Paul West struggles to solve the mysteries inherent in life in France. What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress? And why are there no public health warnings on French nude beaches? Paul discovers how to judge a French vacationer by the rustiness of his bicycle; opens his English tearoom; and finally understands why Parisian waiters are so cranky. Just in time for spring in Paris, find out if Paul finds the perfect French mademoiselle or if it all ends in merde!

A Year in the Merde

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing USA

Published: 2008-12-01

Total Pages: 300

ISBN-13: 1596917466

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A Year in the Merde is the almost-true account of the author's adventures as an expat in Paris. Based on his own experiences and with names changed to "avoid embarrassment, possible legal action-and to prevent the author's legs being broken by someone in a Yves Saint Laurent suit", the book is narrated by Paul West, a twenty-seven-year-old Brit who is brought to Paris by a French company to open a chain of British "tea rooms." He must manage of a group of lazy, grumbling French employees, maneuver around a treacherous Parisian boss, while lucking into a succession of lusty girlfriends (one of whom happens to be the boss's morally challenged daughter). He soon becomes immersed in the contradictions of French culture: the French are not all cheese-eating surrender monkeys, though they do eat a lot of smelly cheese, and they are still in shock at being stupid enough to sell Louisiana, thus losing the chance to make French the global language. The book will also tell you how to get the best out of the grumpiest Parisian waiter, how to survive a French business meeting, and how not to buy a house in the French countryside. The author originally wrote A Year in the Merde just for fun and self-published it in France in an English-language edition. Weeks later, it had become a word-of-mouth hit for expats and the French alike. With translation rights now sold in eleven countries and already a bestseller in the UK and France, Stephen Clarke is clearly a Bill Bryson (or a Peter Mayle...) for a whole new generation of readers who can never quite decide whether they love-or love to hate-the French.

The Complete Merde!

Author: Geneviève

Publisher:

Published: 1996

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9780002557689

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Saucy guide to survival in everyday French as it is really spoken. Included are chapters on insults, sex, drink, and those silent yet expressive Gallic gestures.

Dirty French

Author: Adrien Clautrier

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Published: 2021-11-23

Total Pages: 128

ISBN-13: 1646042808

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Learn the slang words, modern phrases, and curses they never taught you in French class with this hilariously improper phrasebook. You already know enough French to get by—but you want to be able to tell those inside jokes, greet your friends in a laid-back manner, and casually pick someone up at a bar. From “What’s up?” to “Wanna go home with me?” Dirty French will teach you how to speak like you're a regular on the streets of Paris. But you’ll also discover material that goes beyond a traditional phrasebook, including: *Hilarious insults *Provocative facts *Explicit swear words *Themed French cocktails *and more! Next time you’re traveling or chatting with your friends in “the language of love,” pick up this book, drop the textbook formality, and get dirty!

F My Life

Author: Didier Guedj

Publisher: Michael O'Mara Books

Published: 2012-02-10

Total Pages: 171

ISBN-13: 1843179083

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The idea is simple: in a few sentences, people describe the various moments that have ruined their day. From the sublime and ridiculous to the truly mortifying, these snapshot anecdotes are all 100 per cent genuine, and very, very funny. 'Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded, "I bet you'd probably like to!" FML' 'Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises. I assumed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML' 'Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from hitting the wall. FML' 'Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her Twilight book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML' 'Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said, "Yes." My mom laughed and said, "Good one." My dad, for added effect, said, "Your hand doesn't count." FML'

Merde Happens

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House Australia

Published: 2012-04-01

Total Pages: 442

ISBN-13: 1742748287

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Q: What happens when an Englishman, an American, and a French woman drive across America in a Mini? A: Merde Happens ... Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Also in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend, Jake, whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, and then heads west, leg-room turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens ...

1000 Years of Annoying the French

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Open Road Media

Published: 2012-03-20

Total Pages: 764

ISBN-13: 1453243585

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The author of A Year in the Merde and Talk to the Snail offers a highly biased and hilarious view of French history in this international bestseller. Things have been just a little awkward between Britain and France ever since the Norman invasion in 1066. Fortunately—after years of humorously chronicling the vast cultural gap between the two countries—author Stephen Clarke is perfectly positioned to investigate the historical origins of their occasionally hostile and perpetually entertaining pas de deux. Clarke sets the record straight, documenting how French braggarts and cheats have stolen credit rightfully due their neighbors across the Channel while blaming their own numerous gaffes and failures on those same innocent Brits for the past thousand years. Deeply researched and written with the same sly wit that made A Year in the Merde a comic hit, this lighthearted trip through the past millennium debunks the notion that the Battle of Hastings was a French victory (William the Conqueror was really a Norman who hated the French) and pooh-poohs French outrage over Britain’s murder of Joan of Arc (it was the French who executed her for wearing trousers). He also takes the air out of overblown Gallic claims, challenging the provenance of everything from champagne to the guillotine to prove that the French would be nowhere without British ingenuity. Brits and Anglophiles of every national origin will devour Clarke’s decidedly biased accounts of British triumph and French ignominy. But 1000 Years of Annoying the French will also draw chuckles from good-humored Francophiles as well as “anyone who’s ever encountered a snooty Parisian waiter or found themselves driving on the Boulevard Périphérique during August” (The Daily Mail). A bestseller in Britain, this is an entertaining look at history that fans of Sarah Vowell are sure to enjoy, from the author the San Francisco Chronicle has called “the anti-Mayle . . . acerbic, insulting, un-PC, and mostly hilarious.”

Merde, French Is Hard... But Fun!

Author: France Dubin

Publisher:

Published: 2019-05-08

Total Pages: 171

ISBN-13: 9781096342267

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This book should be the second novel you read in French, right after you read "Merde, It's Not Easy to Learn French", volume 1 in this series! Reading a book in French can be difficult, even for advanced students. French novels are usually full of idiomatic expressions. They use complicated tenses, complex sentence structures, and often slang. The books in this series are in simple French. They tell of the joys and the frustrations of an adult learning French. You'll find a good dose of humor, exercises, and illustrations. Note: this book contains adult language. The book has two sections, allowing more levels of French students to enjoy it. Section 1 has the story written completely in French, and includes grammar exercises. Section 2 contains the complete translation in English and the answers to the exercises.

The Complete Merde!

Author: Geneviève

Publisher:

Published: 2006

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9781416532675

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Sacre bleu! Even though your French teachers stuffed the subjunctive down your throat, they failed to give you all the necessary tools to communicate like a native. French argot (slang) is more than just dirty words, it's an immensely rich language with its own words for very ordinary things, words that are in constant use. Here is a survival guide to the real French, from body parts and bodily functions to epithets for every occasion. As an added treat, Genevieve gives instructions in the correct use of gestures--those silent but expressive signals so beloved by French motorists and shopkeepers. Most important, she reveals how the French language is a key to the spirit and character of the people who use it.--From publisher description.