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Sausagey Santa

Author: Carlton Mellick, III

Publisher:

Published: 2013-10

Total Pages: 132

ISBN-13: 9781621050773

Santa isn't the jolly old elf as portrayed in Children's stories. He's a bit more grotesque than that. His eyes are pimento-stuffed olives, his teeth are walnuts, and his body is made of sausages. One snowy Christmas Eve, while visiting the Fry family, Sausagey Santa is attacked by an evil force that is driven to destroy Christmas forever. It is an anti-Christmas spirit that loathes everything having to do with children and Jesus. His name is Frosty the Neo-Nazi Snowman. After Frosty steals his magic bag of presents, Santa calls upon Matthew Fry and his wife, Decapitron (a brutish warrior woman with a peculiar Christmas fetish and a candy cane sword), to help get it back and save Christmas for everyone. It's the greatest sausage-spewing, elf-raping, zombie-killing, Transformer- fucking, reindeer-exploding, snowman-battling, adventure-rocking, bizarro Christmas story OF ALL TIME!!!

Sausagey Santa

Author: Carlton Mellick

Publisher: Eraserhead Press

Published: 2006

Total Pages: 128

ISBN-13:

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"...One snowy Christmas Eve, while visiting the Fry family, Sausagey Santa is attacked by an evil force that is driven to destroy Christmas forever. ...Santa calls upon Matthew Fry and his wife, Decapitron (a brutish warrior woman with a strange Christmas fetish and a candy cane sword), to help get it back and save Christmas for everyone."--Back cover.

Bucket of Face

Author: Eric Hendrixson

Publisher: Eric Hendrixson

Published: 2010-10

Total Pages: 110

ISBN-13: 1936383314

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Thirteen years after a police officer searching a suspected child molester's home spilled a vial of silver pollen, America is still struggling with how to recognize its sentient fruit population. Charles is just a normal guy working at a doughnut shop until an apple and a banana shoot each other in a mafia dispute, leaving a briefcase full of foreign currency and a specimen bucket at the corner booth. When Charles turns the wiseguys into doughnuts and steals their luggage, hoping for a better life for himself and his kiwi fruit girlfriend, he finds himself in the middle of a mafia war. As his girlfriend travels the DC metro area, selling off the contents of the bucket, Charles finds he is the target of a seasoned hit-tomato, who happens to be the biggest Michael Jackson fan who ever lived.

Adolf in Wonderland

Author: Carlton Mellick

Publisher:

Published: 2007

Total Pages: 188

ISBN-13:

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In an alternate version of the future where Hitler had conquered the entire world during WW2 and developed society into his vision of utopia, an SS officer is on a mission to find and exterminate the last imperfect human on Earth. Following his trail leads the young Nazi to a small town hidden in the middle of the desert; a place that has been cut off from society for so long that it has developed its own strange and disturbing culture. Thus begins Mellick's dreamlike adventure that takes a young descendent of Adolf Hitler's design and sends him down the rabbit hole into a world of imperfection and disorder, where even the laws of reality itself don't seem to apply. A tribute to both Franz Kafka and Lewis Carroll, "Adolf in Wonderland" is a perfect read for fans of the bizarro genre.

The Ballad of a Slow Poisoner

Author: Andrew Goldfarb

Publisher:

Published: 2007

Total Pages: 144

ISBN-13:

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Herein are the singular adventures of one Millford Mutterwurst, who one day makes the unpleasant discovery that his elbows are becoming flatter - an unpleasant effect of the nefarious act of slow poisoning. He is soon joined by a blue and globular companion named Slub Glub and one translucent monkey in a frenetic balloon voyage to dangerous isles and disturbing planets in a desperate attempt to escape this deadly withering. A tale told in eighty dizzying chapters, all of them exceedingly short, and filled with strange songs and oblique illustrations.

The Egg Man

Author: Carlton Mellick Iii

Publisher:

Published: 2008

Total Pages: 190

ISBN-13:

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Shark Hunting in Paradise Garden

Author: Cameron Pierce

Publisher:

Published: 2008

Total Pages: 136

ISBN-13:

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A group of fanatical religious tourists from the future travel back in time to meet Adam and Eve. Unfortunately, their time ship crashes, killing the majority of the crew (including the leprechauns) and leaving them stranded in this strange shark-infested land. Among the survivors are: Ernest who has the ability to turn people into mannequins, Ira who wields a razor-edged bible for a weapon, Wayne a giant wizard head with fat lizard legs, Donkey the hunchback halfwit, Anton the birdman, Rattlesnake Doctor, Ancestor, and Sturgeonwolf. This cult of deranged priests soon discover that Eden is a far more surreal and dangerous place than they could ever have imagined. It is going to take everything they've got in order to survive long enough to find another way home--Publisher's description.

The Ultra Fuckers

Author: Carlton Mellick Iii

Publisher:

Published: 2008

Total Pages: 112

ISBN-13:

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Tony dreads the idea of going to his wife's company dinner party in Eagle Hills; the new upper-middleclass gated community that just popped up outside of Scottsdale, AZ. He hates these Southwestern-style planned suburban neighborhoods. All of the streets look the same. All of the houses look the same. All of the people look the same. Because everything in Eagle Hills looks exactly the same, Tony has trouble finding the dinner party. He quickly becomes lost in the sea of red tile roofs. The streets seem to go on forever. The addresses don't seem to make any sense. After hours of navigating the suburban labyrinth, Tony discovers that there is something terribly wrong with the Eagle Hills gated community. There is something unnatural about the houses around him. There is something inhuman about the people staring at him through the windows. And no matter how far he drives, he can't seem to find his way out. Ultra Fuckers is a work of absurd suburban horror in the tradition of Mellick's previous short novel, The Menstruating Mall.

Jack and Mr. Grin

Author: Andersen Prunty

Publisher:

Published: 2008

Total Pages: 222

ISBN-13:

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Jack Orange is a twentysomething guy who works at a place called The Tent packing dirt in boxes and shipping them off to exotic, unheard of locales. He thinks about his girlfriend, Gina Black, and the ring he hopes to surprise her with. But when he returns home one day, Gina isn't there. He receives a strange call from a man who sounds likes he is smiling-- Mr. Grin. He says he has Gina. He gives Jack twenty-four hours to find her--Publisher's description.

Greg the Sausage Roll: Santa's Little Helper

Author: Mark Hoyle

Publisher: Penguin UK

Published: 2021-11-11

Total Pages: 40

ISBN-13: 0241558700

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THE SUNDAY TIMES NO. 1 BESTSELLER The tinsel is up in the bakery, the lights are twinkling and the mince pies are sold out. It's CHRISTMAS EVE! Greg the Sausage Roll is so excited he could burst. And when he's scooped up as a last-minute treat for Santa, he's catapulted into a magical festive caper beyond his wildest dreams. Hold on tight for a spectacular sausage roll-ercoaster of an adventure! Developed and written by the social media phenomenon that is LadBaby - the king and queen of Christmas and of sausage rolls.