Lanterna Rally

Author: Alan Smithie

Publisher: AuthorHouse

Published: 2009-07-01

Total Pages: 618

ISBN-13: 1438981589

I remember a report some time ago extolling the health benefits of the vitamins found in sperm, with the advice that in preparation for having a healthy and intelligent baby, for some months before becoming pregnant a woman should swallow her partner's sperm. You can rest assured this report was compiled by a team of men. This has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I set out to write a book entitled "49," a humorously light-hearted fly-on-the-wall look at my life from the day before my forty-ninth birthday to the day I hit fifty. A story of how I was coping with being too old for a mid-life crisis, counting the days tick down until the inevitable half-century. Should I be wearing socks with sandals; when would I start to enjoy pastimes that involved either binoculars, a fishing rod, making boats out of used matchsticks, a tandem bicycle or Morris dancing? Was I developing man-breasts, and more importantly, would the next woman I meet have bingo-wings? What pre-fifty pastimes would I be consigning to the dusty bin of life - wearing Ramones T-shirts and ogling young girls; my T-shirt definitely had to go. Maybe I wouldn't even make it to the end of the book; instead I'd meet my end running the Snowdonia Marathon. As it was I did make it to the end. Having spent a year writing "49" and many months trying to get a publishing deal without success, I started to write a blog. I pretty soon realised the missing ingredient - sex: sex sells. Post a good title and you have a success; mention anal sex and you have a best-seller. Without a second thought I changed the book title to "Sperm, Wonderful Sperm!" and quickly contacted an online print-on-demand publisher. This is the result...