Lanterna Rally

Author: Nancy Besonen

Publisher: Modern History Press

Published: 2024-06-15

Total Pages: 185

ISBN-13: 161599825X

In 1981, L'Anse Sentinel publisher Ed Danner unleashed the madness when he invited a rookie reporter from Chicago's South Side to work for his Upper Michigan weekly newspaper. Nancy Besonen's Off The Hook is a collection of humor columns she successfully slipped by her editor over a 30-year reporting career. However, there were still a few very silly things left unsaid. Her second and final installment, Off the Hook Too!, keeps the laughter alive and rounds out what she likes to call "The Compleat Works of Nancy Besonen." (take that, William Shakespeare!) "Nancy Besonen's weekly columns in the L'Anse Sentinel always made me smile, or chuckle and, quite often, even snort with mirth. Besonen connects so well with our quirky Yooper culture and its priorities. Her perspective of our everyday lives is hilarious and reminiscent of the late Erma Bombeck." -- Terri Martin, author and U.P. Notable Book Award recipient "It takes a special person to write a weekly column year after year and decade after decade. There have to be times when life is not funny, you're just not in the mood to be humorous, or you simply can't think of a damn thing to satirize, or poke fun at. So, hats off to Nancy Besonen because judging by this collection of her weekly columns in the L'Anse Sentinel she has a genuine talent for finding humor in everyday life." --Tom Powers, Michigan in Books "Besonen has written a book that reads like standup comedy, à la 'up-north' humor. If you have only heard of Northern Michigan or are an actual resident (Yooper) you will find the clever writing in this book to be enjoyable. Short chapters make reading easy on the days there isn't much time to read. The entire book does not have to be finished to find out whodunnit, although it's still difficult to put down." -Carolyn Wilhelm, Midwest Book Review "Besonen, a gifted journalist who moved north from Chicago for the fishing and brought with her a deep sensibility for the U.P, both teaches and inspires. This is true nonfiction at its best, both wit and investigative journalism. I am glad she collects it here." -- Mack Hassler, former professor of English, Kent State University for U.P. Book Review ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Excerpts ~ ~ ~ ~ Hunting—There is no arguing that antlers are important. They help deer decide who gets a date. They help successful hunters get a grip while dragging their prize from the woods. They are the ultimate Northwoods accent piece, suitable for hanging in any room but mostly those frequented by Northwoods men. Photography—There is something horribly wrong with a society that requires its young to become certified in Hunter Safety before handling a gun, yet will put a fully loaded camera into a child’s hands at a wedding and say, “Get a shot of Daddy doing the Chicken Dance!” Berry picking—If someone asks if we’ve been picking blueberries, we say yes, because it’s hard to lie when you have leaves in your hair and blue spots on your butt. When they ask where, we say “The Plains.” Then we say “Goodbye.” We’re there to pick. It’s the way of the sticks. Toys—My particular generation is the baby boomers. We were born as a direct result of WWII. Our daddies were very happy to come home to our mommies. They expressed their joy by populating the earth with many children who were easily entertained. Cell phones--“Don’t those damn things ever stop ringin’?” my husband bellowed. Our son, seated beside him in the car, bent his head in obvious shame, focusing on the offending cell phone in his hand. A moment later his sister’s cell phone rang in the back seat. It was her brother, calling her from the front. Bugs—I opened the cap on my shampoo, and knew just how Janet Leigh felt when Norman Bates joined her for a shower in Psycho. There was an earwig underneath it, and it wasn’t finished bathing. We are used to being bugged and having nowhere to hide. If Norman had made his move on a Maki in the sauna, she’d have parted his hair with a pickaxe. Food—There is a time and a place for eating healthier. I have no idea when or where that is, but I am pretty sure it’s not Thanksgiving Day, when every dish is meant to shine, mainly from its high fat content. We are thankful for giblet gravy and real butter. Barbie—In the beginning, she was blonde or brunette. Then she became black or Hispanic, which was a good thing. Then you cut her hair, which was a bad thing because it devalued your investment and caused Ken to lose interest, though nobody thought Ken was much of a catch, anyway. Data breach—What makes a data breach even more frightening is that 400 of our personal, private characteristics may also be fully exposed. The computing element may, at this very moment, be tuning into the facts that you are a smoker and a dog owner. What are they going to do? Sniff you out and steal your dog? Crafting—It was a controlled burn, but just barely. The wood burner warmed up faster than the artist, from “cool” to “incinerate” before I could warm my coffee. When the smoke finally cleared, I keenly perceived with my artist’s eye that I had succeeded in creating charcoal. And it wasn’t even good-looking charcoal. Bathrooms—Ever since the outhouse found its way in, man has struggled to delicately define his waste space. The new spa-like bath­room isn’t a place where you just go. Well, it kind of is, but you also go there to relax, unwind and pamper yourself while family members try to beat the door down because they need to take care of business. Grandparenting—My mom never played canasta, but she didn’t roll around on the floor with our kids, either, because old grandmothers had something NEW grandmothers lack: their dignity. My mom raised her eyebrows, said stuff like “Oh dear,” and kicked naked Barbies under the couch to be with their clothes. Naked Kens, too, different couch. Guilt—Not to brag (sin of pride), but we Catholics have kind of cornered the market on guilt. Catholics can confess our sins to a priest and receive penance--prayer, more or less of it, depends on the week--to wipe our slates clean. Then we walk out of the confessional, speculate on why the next guy is going in, and bam! We’re back in the red again.